There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

This has been buzzing around the news for a while, so I thought I might as well weight in on it. Earlier this month, a primary school teacher confiscated a pupils' crisp bag because it was unhealthy. This then prompted a big hullabaloo over who should decided what to feed school children- parents or teachers.

I think the only papers who covered it were the Daily Mail and the Telegraph- not really the place you turn to for unbiased, legitimate news. And true to their tabloid form, they made sure to bulk up the quotes which called the school 'Guantanamo Bay', or the teachers 'Food Gestapo'.

Next, Channel 4 news ran a segment on it asking whether or not this was appropriate, with some wanting government intervention to keep these sweets away. I'm not sure about the rest of the UK, but the Scottish Government already passed legislation outlawing 'unhealthy' food to be served in school cafeterias, including all vending machines. However, there is no such legislation stating that parents cannot pack a candy bar or soda into their child's lunch box along with their meal. So it has now become a battle between who thinks what is best for the children.

Now, I am all for healthy eating, but personally, I think this has become WAY out of hand. As much as I love the UK, I can't help but feel that the government plays a wee bit too much of a determining factor in people's lives. While I am all for healthy initiative, such as the smoking ban that has made everyone's life better in cramped, dark pubs and clubs, snatching a child's soda away from a packed lunch their mom gave them is too much.

Although, there are very marked differences between how I was raised and Scottie. When my mom did have time to pack me a lunch, I always got crap. Carrot sticks, dried seaweed, soymilk boxes and peanut butter and wheatgerm sandwiches on whole grain bread. I was so envious of everyone who got the small crisp bag, the lunchables, and a soda. If I were a kid, my lunches would totally consist of all those things I didn't get to have. But since my mom packed my lunch, I had to eat what was in there or starve.

Scottie had a TOTALLY different upbringing. As a kid, he got a packed lunch and 25p to buy a milk. As he got older, the kids were allowed to LEAVE campus to buy food from any of the shops around the school. He told me that his diet used to consist of a chocolate milk (which apparently he became addicted to and HAD to have everyday), and then either a portion of chips and a chocolate bar, or a deep fried pizza, or crisps and a chocolate bar...you get the picture. Let a kid choose lunch in a convenience store or chippy, and obviously what do you think they'll pick?

I see a few ways the UK can cure this. Closed campuses for one. I never heard of a US school that wasn't a closed campus. Hell, everyone I met at SD thought I was lucky to NOT have a 8ft chain link fence around the school. If you're a kid and you're stuck on school grounds, you will have to eat what you have. Since schools are now supposed to serve only healthy meals, be happy with your lasagna, apple, salad and milk.

And for those who opt for packed lunches, packed by parents who load up the lunchbox with chocolate, crisps and sausage rolls, there's a way to make them not want to eat them: fear. Prey on their insecurities by constantly showing them pictures of obease people eating pie. Surround them with images of people too fat to get out of bed, who are suffering from painful bedsores, and can't function anymore. And then tell them it's because they ate chocolate in primary school. And pizza in secondary school. 12, 13, 14, 15 year old girls ( and probably guys too) are SUPER self-concious at that age! Get them while they're young! Tell them that if they drink that soda, they will never look like Miley, the Jonas brothers won't want to talk to them, and Zac Effron would totally laugh at their overhanging belly pooch.

Of course I'm not serious about all this (even thought it would totally work- or create a nation of aneroxics), but it's not more ridiciously than outlawing what parents can pack for their child to eat. If the parents want to frack up their kid's life, fine. Eventually the kid will hopefully learn (like Scottie did) that a roll filled with butter and chips is not a healthy sandwich.



I bet you totally don't want that second helping of ice cream now, do you?