There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

Oh god, I was just about to post another, completely different post, when some crazy NED walked up to my flat and started knocking with my mail flap.

Now, the problem is that I have a ground floor flat on a busy road, AND could totally see this dude walk up. And he looked SUPER SCARY! Like, if I opened the door he would push me in and rape me. But the window is open, so I can totally see him, meaning that he can totally see me. AND, he has a trail of two waif-like women following him, equally sallow of skin, with dark sunken in eyes and looking like they would gladly slit my throat for a few pounds, just as long as they could use it to feed their crack addiction.

I have to say, I totally DO NOT recommend living on the ground floor flat ANYWHERE. I remember a few years ago, some dude totally tried to break into our flat by using a coat hanger to pull down out L-lock. Too bad for him, 1) our flat is 18 feet long and we can see everyone who enters our front door because it opens right into the nucleus of the flat 2) Even if he did get past the first door, there is still our inner glass door to get through and 3) oh yeah, both Scottie and I were home. When we told C-dog this, Scottie's Police officer brother, he said that using the old coat hanger/l-lock trick is super popular and that most people try it with student flats late at night on the weekends, where any noises will most likely be attributed to your drunk flatmate down the hall coming home. Good times. From now on, we make sure to bold AND lock both doors.

Another fun thing about having a ground floor flat is how many disturbing things you get to see every day. Like that one time a completely drunk-ass hobo leaned against our railing and peed down into courtyard of the basement level flat. This meant that his wynkle was whipping around about kneecap level to us, and that we could actually stare him in the eye as he peed away. Note- as much as I advise AGAINST ground floor flats, I totally, unconditionally am against basement level flats.

Our flat is also along a pretty busy road and across the street from the Napier student housing, which means we are also privy to late night cacophonies of drunken singing, bottles breaking, and bins being kicked. And once, of some wanker actually coming up onto our wee stoop and knocking on our bedroom window (probably as a dare, as you could hear his mates laughing it up in the back), scaring the crap out of me, and making me actually feel vulnerable in our home.

But not all of it is horrible. I have to say I quite enjoy watching people rocking out in their cars while stopped at the traffic light- oh, if only they knew they had an audience. Also, there are some right weirdos who walk around, so it's always fun watching people who think that wearing pink tutus with Marty McFly hightops circa Back to the Future 2015 is a great way to prove their individuality.