There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

Today I met with a wall called Scottish Government tyranny against words. I spent quite a while trying to 'clean' up my e-mail to my friend working there, but no matter what I did, it was 'offensive and inappropriate'. And the worst part, was that the e-mail itself wasn't very interesting. It was just annoying trying to get my message through. Here are the different stages of that e-mail :

Duuuuude, had the strangest dream EVER!

I was at the gym, but since I hate gyms, the fitness instructor signed me up to be in a tennis group. So I go along to the group, and it turns out to be 140 totally fit, totally hot men- gay men who play tennis NAKED. So I'm playing tennis with all these astronomically sexy gay naked men.

Inappropriate. I'm gonna say that it's because the Scottish Government is homophobic and don't like gays. I for one know that using gay to refer to someone's sexual orientation in San Francisco isn't seen as offensive unless it's used in a derogatory, negative, offensive way- which I don't believe I was doing.

Second attempt: Duuuuude, had the strangest dream EVER!

I was at the gym, but since I hate gyms, the fitness instructor signed me up to be in a tennis group. So I go along to the group, and it turns out to be 140 totally fit, totally hot men- g-hey men who play tennis NAKED. So I'm playing tennis with all these astronomically sexy g-hey naked men.

Inappropriate. Okay, maybe this time around it was do to the fact that I said 'naked.' But what if I wanted to used 'naked' in a metaphorical sense? I know I wasn't exactly doing it here, but what if I was discussing how the gaze of someone felt like they were standing naked before God? Okay, one more go.

Third attempt: I was at the gym, but since I hate gyms, the fitness instructor signed me up to be in a tennis group. So I go along to the group, and it turns out to be 140 totally fit, totally hot men- g-hey men who play tennis sans habiliments. So I'm playing tennis with all these astronomically attractive g-hey men clad in only tennis shoes and what the Lord bestowed upon Adam.

Wrong. Try again. By this time, my friend is desperate to see what I've been writing...too bad it wasn't more exciting that just a silly dream. Don't know what there is offensive, but try again. Maybe this time they had issues with the term 'Lord'?

I was at the gym, but since I hate gyms, the fitness instructor signed me up to be in a tennis group. So I go along to the group, and it turns out to be 140 totally fit, totally gorgeous men- men who tend to like others of the same persuasion- who play tennis sans habiliments. So I'm playing tennis with all these astronomically attractive men clad in only tennis shoes and what the good deity who resides in the heavens bestowed upon Adam.

FUCKING MISSION! Seriously?!?! So, if you work at Scottish Government as a gay naked Christian, you are NOT ALLOWED TO SEND E-MAILS ABOUT YOURSELF.