There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

One of the things you have to get used to living in a city like Edinburgh are the small winding closes, wynds, and back alley streets that connect the city to larger arteries of traffic. Another thing you have to get used to is the constant smell of urine, sick, and feces that these small, narrow walkways emit.

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, I inturrupted a man relieving himself in the alley just besides my house. But at least he was sober enough to looked ashamed, apologize to me, and try to mumble out an excuse as to why he was urinating in public, at 4:00 in the afternoon in broad daylight as opposed to one of the many cafes, pubs, and bars that are no more than 200 meters from where he was standing.

But I can't be too judgemental, because, yes, I too am guilty of the occasional public pee. Shocking, I know, but true, and one more tick in the box of things I blame on my younger years. I can't think of any time I've needed to drop my trousers in the burgh, but I certainly have back in CA. Now, I never would opt to pee outside (apart from situations like camping), but there were many a frat party where using the facilities was near impossible. Either someone was sick in one, having sex in one, or had left it in such a disgusting state that you didn't even want to go 20 feet near it. I always had a method to my frat party public pee excrusion: casually leave the house (these were always located in the suburbs), act like I was mearly taking a casual walk, and then find someone's house that had a nice big garden, preferably one with lots of hedges or trees. If anyone had been out, I'm sure they would have assumed I was a burglar scoping out my next target. Then, when I hoped no one was looking, I would duck into the shadows and try to either blend into the foliage or creep far enough away from the road to be seen. Once, this was literally in someone's back yard, and thank goodness they didn't have motion sensors or dogs. Then, like a lady, I would quickly find a spot on a nice patch of ground (not the sidewalk, a wall, or walkway) and do the deed before they owners of the premise sensed something was up. Normally not the case at 2 in the morning, but you never know.

And every time I had to slink away to find a little patch to pee, I was never more jealous of the guys and how easy they had it.