There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

The breakdown
Two days ago, I broke. Things seemed to be going well, but then just as I was about to go to bed, I got hit by the tsunami of negative emotions that seems to hit me every so often. There was the typical girlie stuff of being too fat (damn always comparing myself to others...like YOU Miss Americans), of the stress of being home and having to deal with granny (FYI- she has now turned paparazzi. My bedroom door was open 3 inches. She came out, stared at me on my bed knitting for a good minute, before coming back and trying to take "sneaky" pictures of me through the crack in the door. WTF.)and with missing my boyfriend so much. Add to that general depression from being stuck at the ranch in the middle of no where with no friends, nothing to do, and knowing about my visa whatsoever. So I started crying hysterically. Normally, Scottie knows exactly how to make me feel better. Since he knows me so well emotionally, he can calm me down make me be reasonable again. But he wasn't here. So I did what the next rational person would do, I phoned him over skype at 8am his time to cry. It took him a while to wake up, but finally he did to answer the phone. And he managed to soothe the savage beast by throwing something positive at me every time I lashed out with something negative. He suggested that I should get outside and get some fresh air at least once a day. Take a little walk. Get some time to myself, rather than keep myself confined to the house (as I had been for the past 3 days...yeah, cabin fever might have added to it all too), and that I would probably start feeling better.

The Attempt

The next day I did. I was resigned that since I can't play tennis with anyone, I should at least try to find some fun for myself. And maybe burn some calories while I was at it. So I slipped on my tennies and headed for the door. Now, my parents bought this property because it was 20 acres, surrounded by probably another 100 acres of cow pasture and undeveloped land. Which is good for my mom and her horseback riding. Our property is mainly the side of a hill though, and mom converted that into donkey pasture. To get to our house, you have to drive through a closed gate, through the donkey pasture, and then through another closed gate to the house. In my head, I was going to try a little run from the closed gate by our house, through the donkey pasture, and then through another closed gate leading to the undeveloped land. But I hate running, so instead I was going to run to different trees and climb them.

Things started out fine. I ran to the top of the hill, looked around, saw tree #1, and ran to it. Then managed to monkey up. That's when I noticed that our dog Beau had sensed me and was trying to get from behind the fence to play too. And sure enough, he did. This wasn't supposed to happen. Beau then took off towards the undeveloped property fence, slipped under, and was gone. Oh shit. So I ran back down to my mom and told her that he had escaped. We went out to call him in, but as always, nothing is easy in my world. Mom had to open the gate that leads from our house to the donkey pasture, and when she did, the donkey decided to make their break for it and dash in. I was on the other side of the house calling the dog, but saw them dart in. So I had to run off again, this time arms flailing, hands clapping, and feet stomping to try and heard them away from the house and back down the driveway towards their pasture. I felt like a sheep dog. Eventually, we managed to get the donkeys back, find Beau, and then patch up the fence where he had slipped under.

The fail
By now, I was getting tired,but I still wanted to attempt my failed excercise plan. I started off again, but quickly realised that it wouldn't be so easy. The ground up here isn't exactly good for bipeds, and in fact it will try to kill anyone moving faster than a slow walk. There are hidden rocks scattered amongst the 2 ft high grass ready to trip you if you're not paying attention. Also hidden among the tall grasses are gopher holes, snake holes, and small mounds that are ideal for anyone looking to break/twist their ankle. Add to that the ticks, rattlesnakes (coming in about 2 months), and hidden bogs, and it isn't so much running as trying to manoeuvre through an obstacle course. You can't so much run as prance. A running skip where you bounce like a deer, making sure to land on the balls of your toes roll back. I totally looked like King Arthur in Monty Python's Holy Grail prancing around in a field. All I needed were the coconuts.

After almost an hour of this, my clothes were soaking, I was mud splattered up to my waist, I was covered in bits of moss and soggy bark, just really wanted to go home and take a shower. However, I did feel way way way better and was even quite happy. So the plan worked, but I need to figure out a way that isn't so dirty or runs the risk of playing sheep dog all day.