There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

As much as I want to look like that nice, friendly, always willing to help receptionist/office worker (god how I want a real job some day!), 80% of it is all a fake act, especially when it comes to the old. Now I know that I am exposing myself as a horrible person with only the devil sitting on her shoulder, but come on!

How many times have you been trying to walk down the street, only to be foiled by the old who have suddenly come to a stand still to adjust their cane? This happens a lot with the big and the stupid too. It's the equivalent to slamming on the brakes on the freeway for no reason other than you thought you saw a butterfly, and by god, if I wasn't such a skilled and vigilant walker, you would so have a my purse/ face ramming into your back (hmm, sounds kinda pervey).

Apart from the old's way of suddenly stopping to think about where it was they were going is the incredibly slow time it takes for them to get there. When I had to take care of my granny for 3 months, it killed me how a simple task like going to the grocery store took 3 hours longer than it needed to- if only she would have sucumbed to the wheel chair, I could have whipped her in, out, and home in all of 15 minutes, and that's with letting her squeeze every loaf of bread. Wheel chairs are like free rides! Come on granny, live a little!

But apart from my annoyance with all things that old people do, you have to laugh at them and their silly old people antics. Like today. Because I work in the poo and pee section of the hospital, we get a lot of 50+ in for biopseys, colonoscopies, endoscopies, and cystoscopies. And some of these guys a SUPER old. Like I was born in 1919! So today, I check in this one guy who's like 78. After I take his name, he proudly pulls out a vital of his urine, sets it on the desk, and exclaims, "I did that this morning!" "Very good, sir, why don't you just hang on to that, okay, and give it to the nurse when she calls your name. Now have a seat."

Or the old lady who got a letter, but is both blind and deaf, so had to have her neighbour read it really loudly to her...they would be so cute if not for the fact they they're old and so exasperating!

So I gotta love their rare moments when they are just so precious and cute and vulnerable that they're almost like puppies, but then hate the fact that they smell, see nothing wrong with being so truthful that they lack basic tact and civility, and feel as though the world should deliver their every whim on a silver platter.

And there is that little sliver within me that can't wait to be old! Sonny, go wash me teeth, and don't forget to give my bunions a good scrubbing!