There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

Attention McEwan Hall: Will the ass face who STOLE my jacket at the graduation ceremony please be decent and return it? It's -2 outside, if you hadn't noticed. Thanks.

Yes, that's right. Today I proudly graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Britain with a Masters degree, during which some douche face ass stole my jacket. I arrived early to check in and get my Harry Potter-esque robes and receive my seating card. Row 40, seat 2. Awesome. Then, since you couldn't wear a jacket or anything with the robe, I followed the advice of the robing crew and left my jacket on the back of my chair. Someone else had also left their kit on my chair. A red hand bag and a matching red pea coat. 'Hmmm', I thought, 'Obviously they are mistaken since this is my seat, but I will put my jacket down next to the person who so trustingly left their handbag and it will be fiiiiiine.' Ha. I no sooner set my coat down then my friend called me to meet her by the enterance. So I did. I was gone for literally 7 minutes. When I returned, my jacket was GONE. I ran around the entire hall asking everyone with a red coat and matching red handbag if they had accidentally picked up a black jacket by mistake, but to no avail. It was gone. I told the ushers to keep and eye out for it. I returned 3 times between 10 and 5 to ask if it had be turned in. Nothing.

Either a graduate or their parent STOLE my coat. Wankers.

Luckily, my wonderful Scottie filled me up with first a Bloody Mary followed by a wonderful St. Francis bottle of merlot from Santa Rosa, my old home town. And wonderful Scottie only had one glass, meaning I consumed the rest of the bottle.

I am so knackered/drunk now.

Fuck people to steal your shit! Thank god for this wine blanket which kept me warmish on the walk home THROUGH THE ICE.