There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

Holy McFrozen monkey nuts, it is COLD! 0 degrees Celsius, aka I need to buy more sweaters. In OCTOBER! Not November, December, or January...OCTOBER!

Unfortunately, out main heater is being a bastard and not working at the moment, so Scottie and I had to buy a tiny floor heater...and being cheap, we got one that manages to cough out something resembling a warm tropical breeze. It isn't the greatest at combating low temperatures, but at least it's better than nothing and takes the bite out of the air.

Luckily I got a job (yay!), but unfort I have to be at work for 7:30 (death!). But now working =money=can buy sweaters to not freeze to death.

I was doing some autumn cleaning on the ol' lappy the other day and found an old bookmarked site for a blog I had waaaaaaaay back in the day. Okay, it wasn't that long ago, but it started in 2004- my online travel/reflection on living and studying abroad. I had completely forgotten that I had it, and it took me ages to remember the password. That's a lie, I never did think of the password, but some how it got linked to this account. Computer magic I guess. Anyway, reading back through my old entries is totally making me cringe...the things I wrote down (which I am too embarassed to allow public now) are so opposite from what I belive in now.

For instance, I really did enter Scotland with the same outlandish, tourist-fed, steryotypical ideals that Barbie currently has, and which currently piss me off to no end. I even mentioned in one post how I would become a Nationalist if I could...I think I seriously must have been on crack that year.

But it is a nice reminder of the person I used to be and how much I have grown since then. I don't know if I'll still stick to the same views that I embrace now, but I suppose that blog #2 here will be a future reminder of the person I am now.

One thing that hit me was how awesome a cook I was back in SD. Apparently I continued my blog until second quarter of my last year at uni (how did I completely forget this?) and a lot of it is delicious sounding. Like my homemade artichoke, ranch, basil, tomato pizza...if only ranch and artichokes existed in Scotland...

Here is one this I will share..the MQ's top ten lists!
Top Ten Inappropriate Political Campaign Promises
10. Putting the White back in the White House
9.Deport homosexuals back to their homeland
8.Get US population down to a cool million, one way or another
7.No Child of Economic Privilege Left Behind
6.Replace State of the Union Address with 45 minutes of president wrestling a quadruple amputee
5.More all-campus dances
4.Vertical Manifest Destiny
3.Appoint new Secretary of Strangling Hobos
2.Getting abortions out of the clinics and back into the alleys where they belong
1.A gajillion new jobs

Top Ten Ways to Get Play at UCSD
10.Stalk your TA for some T&A
9.Join the Five-Year-Olds Club
8.Attent annual "Whores at the Shores" event
7.Overly suggestive phallic, scented candles
6.Overly suggestive phallic-scented candles
5.High skirts, low standards
4.O-chem answer key
3.With the new Blockbuster Freedom Pass!
2.Major in foot reflexology
1.Leave

Okay, I suppose it's getting down to the wire back in the good ol' US of A for political candidates, measures, and propositions, and since it seems everyone has to comment in some way about the US political situation at the moment, I might as well follow. Bahhhh.

Rather than bleather about Obama vs John or Joe vs. Sarah, I'm gonna make a wee mention about something a bit closer to home. No, not Prop 8, the elimination of gay marriage, but the splash of cold water in the face that is Prop. 2.

Huh?

Yeah, I had no idea about ANY of the proposition until my ballot arrived two weeks ago...being removed from the country and from all the non-stop political propaganda ads meant that I could vote with a truely unbiased approach. So aided with nothing more than my sample ballot and my ol' trusty lappy interweb, I started filling it out. And then I came to Prop 2.

'Standards for Confining Farm Animals. Requires that certain farm animals be allowed, for the majority of every day, to fully extend their limbs or wings, lie down, stand up and turn around.'

Wait, Californians are voting on that? And that's when I knew I had been away for waaaay too long. You see, the UK has gone ape shit for free range. EVERYWHERE you go, all you see are free range chicken, free range beef, free range eggs, etc, etc, etc. They've had copious shows on the BBC hosted by big name Michelin chefs like Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay trying to educate the public about animal farming methods. It's now to the point that big supermarkets like Sainsburys has their own brand of chickens reared to RSPCA standards, and heck, its getting to the point that finding a non-free range butter is hard.

So having been immersed in a culture that now makes you feel like a shameful, bad person for not buying free range, it's become second nature to assume that all meats/dairy products are free range. Why wouldn't they be? Which is why Prop. 2 stuck me. We're voting to allow animals to stand up, turn around, and stretch their wings? Um, shouldn't they be doing that already? Oh wait- it's the US.

And then I remembered the Cow Fields. If anyone has the pleasure of driving for 12 hours from San Diego along the 5 interstate to San Francisco, they will inevitable pass the Cow Fields. Somewhere along hour 5 or 6, maybe an hour or so past the Grapevine, you enter a stretch that passes where our beef (or dairy, or something cow related) comes from. Miles of cows packed together on brown dirt under the blistering 108 heat with no shade and very little water just milling about and waiting. They say in the adverts that happy cows come from California, but these cows certainly don't look happy. I also remember the chickens, as seen in Fast Food Nation, and how many of them go crazy being tucked into shoe box sized cages until they die.

To me, having been in the UK for a while now and having seen free range practically take over the grocery stores, it seems like a given. But being away makes you realise that it's not. If you need to judge a country ( or state) on something, look at what gets put up to the vote, and how it does ( or does not) pass. I personally would much rather live in a state that not only brought the subject of free range up, but voted for it, than a state that continued to be ignorant to the welfare of the animals they eat.

However, we'll just have to wait and see if animals will legally be allowed to 'stand up and turn around.'

Okay, it getting bad now. As if caving in to the evils of High School Musical wasn't bad enough. I have now taken on the ultimate in homemaking- knitting.

Now, back when I was 6, I prided myself on my champion finger knitting skills- to make one long ass knitted chain that could only function as maybe an escape rope for a 60 lbs Rapunzel. But that was as far as I went with yarn.

But ever since my obsession with Alpaca (and I just found a new favourite- GUANACO!!!) knitwear, I've been on a mission to acquire as much as possible...except that I am dirt dirty poor. So what better way to save money and keep myself occupied while waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to call and offer me employment? The answer seemed obvious. Plus, I have always been insanely jealous of everyone who is talented enough to whip out these amazing knitted creations of mittens, hats, and jumpers.

So I popped around to the nearest awesome store (our local one is called Ali's Cave- it has EVERYTHING you need, from light shades, to thread, to birthday cards, to fireworks, to dish soap, to makeup, to party favours...EVERYTHING!) to see what they had in the knitting department. They had your wide variety of cheap yarns and needles, and not knowing what I was doing, I bought the cheapest of both. Then back home to let the interweb show me the way to knitting heaven!

I found a LOT of how-to sites, many of which included loads of videos, which were a great help. My problem was I went and got the cheap yarn- the kind that is really thin and separates into 3 strings really easily, so that I kept splitting the thread while stitching. I spent ALL NIGHT trying to just get past 3 rows without a mistake. I was failing!

But something strange was also happening- my WHOLE arms, especially around my armpits were SUPER sore. WTF? I mean, my fingers and hands are sore, but that's expeceted since I am using my fingers in ways I've never used them before (insert perverted snigger here). But my armpits? Okay...

Today I was determined to get some bigger needles. I went to two different shop, but this being Scotland, they were closed on Sunday. So I went all the way here to get my goods and almost fainted. I needed larger needles, so I was resolute to get them, but they were £6.10!!!! AND, were MADE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA...and not only are they expensive knitting needles from NorCal, their phone number is a 707 area code...THAT'S MY OLD AREA CODE!!!! I came all the blinking way to Scotland to end up buying knitting needles that are made back at home.

Screw you universe.

BUT, the sliver lining in all of this is that the knitting shop also sold...BABY ALPACA YARN!!!! So now I feel obligated to get this knitting thing going...I need me my alpaca!!! So I caved in and bought some yarn (which was cheaper than the needles....bloody wooden imported NorCal needles), so even if I fail at the knitting, I can just wrap the yarn around myself.

I am going mental. Nucking Futs, as the button I had in 9th grade said.

Yesterday, with no bread to bake or things to do, I stayed in all day and got more depressed. I contemplated going out to buy an apron, but I have no money to frivolously spend like that. And it was cold, windy, and rainy.

So I stayed inside and ...it really hurts to say it...watched High School Musical 1 & 2....ugh. I know. I hate myself a lot more for it. And I think I lost 100 more IQ points.

Today was only slightly better. I was determined to make a pumpkin pie.

Sounds easy- go to shop, buy ingredients, mix, bake, voila. Oh wait, I forgot that this was Scotland.

So I walk the mile to the large shop that is the closest thing I can get to a Safeway or Ralphs to look for ingredients. I find the spice, the pie crust, the cream, eggs, everything...but pumpkin puree. No where. So I go to another shop. And another. By the time I get to the 6th shop, I am annoyed, tired, and by this time, wet, because it started raining again. So I suck it up and resign myself to follow in the footsteps of our foremothers of yore...buy a pumpkin to make puree from scratch. Now I can't remember how much a can of pumpkin puree costs in the States, but I doubt it costs more than $2. My fu*&ing pumpking cost $5. PLUS I have to take it home, cut it, clean it, and boil it for 2 hours to soften it up before scraping off the skin and running it all through a blender. HASSLE.

And good bloody homemker that I am, I even bake the pumpkin seeds to snack on.

Then I bake the pie. It cooks, smells good...BUT TASTES LIKE EGG. No pumpkiny taste at all. Apparently there are pumpins and there are cooking pumpkins, and it being close to Halloween, all the store are selling CARVING PUMPKINS...which have no flavour. Awesome.

Next time, I am using a butternut squash.

Sadness. I got up at 9 today, switched on the ol' lappy, and seriously didn't finish getting dressed until 5:00. Seriously.

My normal routine is to let the old machine warm up while I wander through to the bathroom. Then I'll click on my internet and e-mail and go make a cup of tea and breakfast while it takes its sweet time to load. I like to check my e-mail in the morning because of the whole time difference thing, and most e-mails from back home are sent while I'm deep asleep. Then I normally get dressed and go about my day. Normally, if I have a day to go about in.

Today held no motivation to even get dressed. The temp agency e-mail me yesterday (at 9:00) to tell me that I was first on their list if anything came up, but that the market was slow. Fine. So I know I'm not getting a call anytime soon. So instead, all I did ALL FREAKING DAY was sit in my PJs and look for jobs. I applied to 4, one of them very out of my depth, but I figured I'd give it a go. Then I figured I might get a move on...the clock was ticking towards 4 and I still had not left my computer, my PJs, or my flat.

The sad thing is that I was initally motivated to go out and buy an apron so that I could make more bread without getting flour all over me. How sad is that? I couldn't be bothered to get dressed or even leave the house for anything, save maybe getting an apron so I ccould be uber Betty Crocker. But then I looked outside at the HOWLING winds of 5893mph and decieded to do laundry.

Finally, as the clock began to hit 5, I figured I should at least put some real clothes on before Scottie came home from work and mocked me. But not before I sewed up a hole in my jumper and did some washing up.

Finally, up and dressed, I made bread.

And the really really sad part of all this- now that I made the bread and washed the clothes and sewed up the sweater...I have NOTHING to do tomorrow.

Maybe I'll print out 100 CVs (resumes) and walk around to EVERY shop and shove it down their throats. I never wanted to go back to retail again, but I'll do it if I must.

A gal can't live for making bread each day.

I know that I'm jobless, dirt poor, and trying my best to avoid all things consumerist, but every now and then, I get a notion in my head and obsess over it for days...weeks...even months.

Now, I really don't want to think of myself as another damn American consumer, and I've tried so so much to really think about how much I need things before buying them...but sometimes, I get obsessive. My obsession at the moment: Knitwear. Specifically alpaca knitwear. Weird, I know.

When I was up in John o Groats, they had that amazing knit wear shop, and I was in love with the idea that for once, I would be able to find a quality jumper, not cheaply made in a factory with poor quality wool, and since it was hand made, it would be unique, special, and hopefully last me until I was old and crippled, and I could look back and say 'oh, this sweater has done me good.' And then the chick was on holiday and that plan was foiled.

But somehow, I got to thinking about my hobby/passion- South American Archaeology. I had a fabulous professor who taught Pre-Incan archaeology and you can't learn about Peru without learning about llamas, alpacas, and vicunas. So some wires crossed in my head and suddenly I was searching the webernet for alpaca knitwear.

I found some great sites that bought handmade alpaca knitwear directly from Peruvian farmers and artisans, giving them a significant amount of the proceeds in the process. Yay! And alpaca wool is supposed to be softer and warmer than cashmere.

So first I bought some gloves. They were $8, handmade, and were those 'glitten' things that are fingerless gloves with a flap to transform them into mittens. And hot damn do I love them.

Now that the weather is getting colder there is a part of me that wants more. Envious, want want want. It's a horrible feeling- but if I can't get a sweater knitted by a little old tea drinking lady up in the highlands, then by golly, I am gonna get something from Peru/Bolivia.....when I get a job.

Damn you alpaca clothing!!! I know, kinda hippy-ish, but jesus is it soft! And warm! And...helps little old South American grannies who are sitting by their fires at night knitting away! Oh well...

One day, alpaca, you will be MINE! Muh ha ha ha ha....