There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

I am, for the most part, very happy with my body. Yeah, I know I need to lose the stone I put on thanks to dissertation stress/never leaving the computer for 3 months, and yeah, I could also do with losing another stone which I gained after returning to America after my year long study abroad in the UK the first time around. BUT, that aside, for the most part I am not that fussed.

That is until last week. And it's not so much a desire to be thin but because I'm a cheap ass bastard who had a revelation: Skinny chicks spend less money. And spending less money means having more in the bank.

How did this come about? Friction. You see, as I was sitting down on the couch one day, I realised that my thigh friction had caused my jeans to weaken to the point that they started to disintegrate and form holes. This meant I needed to buy another pair of jeans. But hold up, these jeans I was in were not that old. I mean, I purchased them in December of last year- they were only 10 months old. And they were Levis. LEVI JEANS SHOULD LAST LONGER THAN LESS THAN A YEAR!!!!!

Then it hit me- those girls, the ones who fall over when someone sneezes, have 'the gap'- that space between the legs where their thighs don't touch and their crotch is free to feel the breezes, unhindered by any wobbly bits. I have never had this in my life, even when I wore a size 3 in the Juniors section when I was 13. My thighs have always touched. But girls with 'the gap' don't get thigh friction and can probably make a pair of Levis last for years. Heck, they probably don't even need to buy new jeans EVER because nothing on their bodies would ever generate enough friction to cause jeans to disintegrate- except for maybe their spindly kneeds poking through, and even that nowadays in considered trendy.

But it goes beyond frictionless clothes. As a knitter, I am having to always spend just a little bit more to buy those one or two extra skeins of wool to make the medium patterns. Chicks in the XS-S range get to spend less on yarn- and those extra yards can add up to an extra hat or set of mittens!

They take up less space in bed which means they can get by fine in a single bed, and can even share that with a partner because heck- they're so skinny that if they lie sidways, it's like they're not even there. And single beds and all their bed linen accoutrements is significantly cheaper than buying for a double or larger.

Since they're smaller, it also means their clothes are smaller, which in turn means they can pack more clothes into a suitcase. This means it's cheaper for them to fly on those budget airlines which charge for cases/weight.

Overall, this means that skinny chicks should be saving bank, and that just pisses me off because I am Skinty McSkink face over here who had to sacrifice getting a hair cut (it's been 4 months now, the hair is looking bad!) in order to replace the 10 month old jeans thanks to my thunder thighs. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.