There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

Due to my rant on immigration, I totally lost track that I was still recounting my Krakow adventures.

July 30 2009

Today was castle day!


We walked to Wawel Castle around 11. Jim found a tour guide who would give us a tour of St. Stanislaus Cathedral. He was EXTREAMLY knowledgeable and really explained the cathedral well. Unfortunately, you're not allowed to take any pictures inside, but it's glitzy! Since it was the Royal Cathedral for the kings of Poland (before the capital was moved to Warsaw), it is filled with gold and silver.

There is a solid silver reliquary in the centre of the nave which holds the remains of St. Stanislaus. Our guide explained all the tombs, the history of the kings buried in them, and how Pope John Paul II (who grew up and lived in Krakow) used the cathedral. Then we went to tour the palace.

Unfortunately, you have to buy tickets in advance for things like the private rooms and such, and a lot of the tickets were sold out (as a way to keep the rooms preserved). But we did get to see the State rooms and the Armoury. Both were very impressive and again, filled with gold and colour. Next we went to climb the bell tower of the cathedral. The way up was very cool with lots of twisting stairs and ducking under large timer supports. Boy were my legs hurting afterwards!



By the time we left, we had spent 5 hours at the castle.

We left the ground via the Dragon's cave. There is an old story that Wawel Castle was terrorised by a dragon 1,000 years ago. This dragon lived under the castle grounds and would eat pretty Polish girls. One day, a clever 15 year old boy filled a sheep's fleece with sulphur and left it outside of the dragon's cave. The dragon ate it, but the sulphur started burning his stomach and he ran down to the river to drink. This caused the sulphur to react and the dragon blew up. The king was so grateful he have the boy his daughter to marry. A few hundred years later, peasants digging by the river found some large bones that they believed to be the dragon's. They hung them on the door of the Cathedral and the saying goes that the bones will hang there until the end of the world- or that if they fell, it would be the sign of the apocalypse. However, modern scientists have identified the bones to belong to a whale jaw and an ancient rhino that used. We went back to Kazimierz for a big late lunch/early dinner. Later that night we just had a wee snack of Zapiekana, a Polish grilled baguette pizza thing that you can get from vendors.

July 29 2009

Today My Honey and I took a tour of the Salk Mines at Wieliczka. These are the world's oldest salt mines and date back to 1280. There are 9 levels, but tourists are only allowed into the first three.

There are more than 215 miles of tunnels that run underground. All throughout the mines are amazing carvings done by miners over the years. These statues are incredible!



The pinnacle of the tour is St. Kinga's Chapel, a large, functioning chapel located 200 meters underground. Everything is carved from salt! The walls, the tiles, the statues of Jesus and other biblical figures, and even the chandeliers!







The salt is very dark and looks like marble, feels like glass, and tastes like salt. You have to squeeze into an old fashion elevator to descend into the mines. It's very cramped, small, dark, and not a place for anyone claustrophobic! We got back at 1:30. Then we went to get lunch. We ate at a perogi cafe which had 28 different types of dumplings. My Hondy and I shared a dish of lamb and herb, and potato and cheese. I originally wanted to get some strawberry and blueberry filled ones, but we were way too full to manage. Then we met up with his parents for some drinks, followed by a little relaxing and nap. Later that night My Honey and I went to a sushi restaurant across the street to try what sushi is like the Poland. The verdict? Delicious. Then back to the Kazimierz square for cocktails!

July 28 2009

This is the "Old Synagogue", the oldest synagogue still standing in Krakow, and now a museum of Jewish history. Now, I used to work at a Jewish summer camp for kids (only counsellor there to have gone to a Catholic summer camp as a child, raised by a Buddhist wannabe mother, and Presbyterian grandmother), so I thought I knew a bit about Judaism, but damn! I have no idea how anyone can keep orthodox these days. For example, it's forbidden for Jews to work at all Friday to Sunday. This includes cooking, cleaning, lighting candles, making fires, etc. Fair enough. Which is why is ye olden times, children under the age of 13 did all that stuff for their families since children under 13 wern't seen as proper Jews until they underwent their bar mitzvah/bat mitzvahs. But then came electricy. Was flipping on a switch the same as lighting a candle? Yes. As is powering up any electronics. Like computers, cell phones, and elevators. Which is why apparently there are some elevators in orthodox communities that are programmed to stop on each floor in a cycle so that no one has to 'work' to press a button. But I can't imagine having to either never turn the lights on or on the flip side, never turn them off, thus having to either live in a world of darkness or pay out the nose for electricity. Unless you can always have a live in slave child.....

Afterwards, we wandered down the Planty. The Planty used to be part of the moat surrounding Wawel castle, but was drained and converted to a garden walkway in the 18th century. It's filled with benches, trees, flowers, and is a nice stroll around the perimeter of the Old Town. For dinner, we went to this authentic Polish restaurant where the seats are big wooden benches covered in sheep hides. Spinning wheels and other farm utensils cover the walls.



The food is really good too! We got Pork Knuckle, something we've seen a lot on the menus. It's basically a large part of pork (but don't know what part the knuckle is-- either the knee or ankle) and it takes 2-3 people to eat it. I also got a side of beets which were so sweet and delicious I could have eaten it as a meal unto itself. Like candy. Only beet-ier. The meal also came with bread and two spreads: Cream cheese and chives, and LARD. Or as The Dad called it, drippings. Aka the white fat and oil that most people drain off their bacon in fatty solidified form. He loved it and couldn't stop eating it, but the rest of us gave it a miss. Okay, well it is me here, so naturally I tried it, but have to say I didn't really enjoy it. Afterwards we walked back through the Jewish Market Square, which is nothing but clubs are bars, to get some drinks. And that's where I had my first taste of Cherry Vodka. Oh my god, it's delicious, especially mixed with coke.

July 27 2009

The centre of the town is an old market square, surrounded by large Baroque town houses that are now posh restaurants and cafes. In one corner is the Church of St. Mary, and opposite that is the large Cloth Hall with the town square clock tower. The whole place has the feel of San Marco square in Venice.







We went inside the church of St. Mary and you can sure tell the difference between UK and Continental churches. The interior was completely painted. Dark blue ceilings dotted with thousands of gold stars, bright red and bright green everything covered in gold! Gold statues, gold decorations, and most importantly, a large gold triptych of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary at the apse alter.



Next we went on a city tour by electric golf buggy. These appear to be very popular and people are constantly asking you if you would like a city tour in them. The buggy drove us all over to the main tourist focal points and an English recording told us all the facts and dates of each one. Then we walked around looking for a place for lunch, but all the places we found were cafes that only serves drinks and snacks. Because it seems like everyone just sits around drinking cocktails! We finally found this one place that was connected to a hotel, and OH MY GOD, the portions were MASSIVE. Luckily I decided to share a plate with The Mom because what came out was the size of a plate. I also ordered a beer, and it too was massive.

It came out in a large 2 pint stein! So well watered and well fed, we went on to hotel. It was 5 by this time and I wanted to buy some more clothes since my luggage STILL hadn't arrived and I was getting smelly walking around in all the glorious, sun drenched heat. Off to the mall again! I got back by 7 and took a nap. At 8 we went to check out the jacuzzi and sauna. I couldn't use the jacuzzi because of all the chemicals in it, but made use of the sauna. We left to eat at 9:30. Since we were still pretty full from our massive lunch, we only ordered a starter and dessert. I got a salad with olives, sundried tomatoes, and cheese and it was one of the best salads I've ever had! No wonder the place was recommended in the Michelin guide. For dessert, I went for the blueberry mouse which was very interesting. More like a whipped cheese with blueberry filling. We finished up around 11:30 and then headed to bed.

I had to work on Saturday the 25th. After, I came home and packed, and My Honey and I left for Dunfermline to stay with his parents. This holiday was his parents' treat, so all accommodation, food, and even some fun money was included. I know, I know, SO spoiled!

July 26 2009
I woke up at 4:30 am to get ready, and we left the house at 5:50 to make it to the airport by 6:20, our check in time. We arrived in Krakow at 11:30 local time, but hmmm...NO LUGGAGE! Apparently bloody Easy Jet lost 138 cases (aka didn't even bother loading them on the plane), so I was somewhat stranded. Luckily, EasyJet also messed up the baggage identification tags, so even though my case was missing, the luggage tag was for My Honey's mom's bag. This was good because she and The Dad had travellers insurance and were allotted £100 lbs for the first day, £100 for the second, and £1,500 after that. In other words, I had £100 to spend on new clothes and accessories and toiletries. So even though my bag didn't arrive, I got to go shopping, and I was in luck because a massive mall was located just a quick 7 minute walk away from the hotel.

Well, after arriving at the hotel with no luggage, My Honey and I went downstairs to the Hotel restaurant/bar. The hotel was POSH. The Dad claimed it was a 4 star. Timber ceilings, tapestried chairs, fancy rugs, and velvet couches, all newly refurbished to resemble the elegance it had back in the 17th century.


Our hotel room


Our bathroom was beautiful, with marble floor, bidet, and large bath, but no shower! There was a hand one connected to a hose that you could use to manually spray yourself off, but not a proper stand up one. This meant that plenty of times, an accidental turn of turn of the wrist caused a spray of rain to shoot out over the whole room, drenching the towels, floor, toilet, and anything else in the way. The hotel also featured a bar and restaurant and filled up the pavement outside with outdoor tables. We ordered Mojitos and I got a bowl of soup that was fabulous! It was just a simple broth with some noodles in it, but it was very flavourful. Then we went to the mall to buy things like toothbrushes, cream, socks and underwear. I figured that if my case didn't arrive tomorrow, I would have another £100 to go back to get clothes. Yes, it did make me a bit ill that I was in Krakow and that my first place to visit was the mall, but c'est la vie.

After our mall jaunt, it was time to explore the neighbourhood. The Mom was feeling very rough and spent the rest of the day in bed, so it was just The Dad, My Honey, and me. Wow, there were like 5,000 bars/cafes/alcohol shops!



My Honey and I left The Dad with a coffee at a small cafe where all the tables are made out of 1930 Singer Sewing machines!

We wandered around and then got some ice cream. The temperature there was like 87 degrees and very nice after all the cold, rubbish Scottish weather. We met up with The Dad at 7:45 for dinner since The Mom was still sick in bed. The three of us went to a very nice restaurant/bar. The restaurant was outside, the bar was inside. The bar walls were pitch black. The only lights came from some soft glowing red lights hanging from the ceiling, and from the candles lit on the tables. In the corner was a large ghoulish ghost/monster that looked like it was just emerging from the shadows to grab you. Very creepy, but very cool. I had the traditional Polish perogi (dumplings) filled with meat. What kind of meat? Just meat. And they were most delicious. Then we headed back to the hotel where My Honey and I took a bath and headed to bed.

I just got back from an a wonderful 8 day trip to Krakow, Poland, and can I just say that I freaking LOVE that place? And not just because I'm cheap or an alkie (40% alcohol Vanilla Vodka that tastes like it was distilled from Angel tears for only £2.00 at the pub?!?!?! £5 a bottle?!?! Yes please!!!), but the whole place was wonderful. I suddenly discovered a part of me that I had never experience before- that of a shopaholic in a foreign country. The first day I was forced to buy almost a new wardorbe (more on that later), but from that point on, I couldn't stop myself. Was it that Polish clothes are awesome in an ecclectic but fashionale way? Or the fact that everything was not only cheap against the pound, but also ON SALE? I seriously had to force myself to stop buying clothes, vodka, jewlery and shoes because I just didn't have the packing space.

The weekend after handing over that bound, 67 page dissertation fell on one of the fortnightly dinners with my boyfriends parents. While we all sat down to one of the few authentic and delicious Chinese meals in Edinburgh, I was naturally bombarded with thousands of questions about where my life was now heading. 'Erm...,' I paused in between bites of beef with garlic sauce, 'well, I only handed my dissertation in 2 days ago, and haven't really thought much beyond that.' 'Well,' by boyfriend's dad replied, 'you should have a wee holiday. You've worked so hard all year, you deserve a few weeks off to rest and enjoy yourself.' And boy did I plan to.

The following two weeks, as was expected, was spent consuming large amounts of alcohol and pretending that it was well deserved or that since this was the last time everyone from our course would be together, we might as well go out guns blazing on a major rager. But honestly, two weeks is enough for me. I'm not what you would call a workaholic, but I get antsy when there is nothing to be done...and so far, when I am not recovering from the night before, I am puttering around the house looking for something- anything- to do: wash all the dishes, dust all the furniture, scrub all the mould from the shower, wash the windows, iron every article of cloth that exists, etc, etc, etc. And all the while, while at least one of my old coursemates is busy recovering from the night before by planning the same night out and complaining about her dwindling funds, I am secretly applying for as many jobs as I can find.

The depressing aspect about my degree is how utterly useless it is in life. While my boyfriend studied infectious diseases in the hopes of one day curing HIV, all I can pretty much do is confirm that things look old. Or at least argue that old things are somehow relevant to the modern age. This leaves a lot of uninteresting job opportunities for me, such as the exciting world of secretarial work! The fascinating life of administration! The mind-boggling merriment of sitting day in and day out in an office somewhere doing something completely unrelated to what I worked hard to succeed in for 5 years.

Actually, in all honesty, I would be working right this very minute if I wasn't so damn susceptible to peer pressure. I know I need money ASAP, so the logical, smart thing that I would have done, having spent a week 'relaxing,' would have been to go to the temp. agency. I've used temp agencies before, and guaranteed, I was always given some sort of clerical job that paid well within that week. It was wonderful...constant employment and a cheque every week. But then I let myself get talked into going on this trip to the Islands....

So, here is where it stands. 1) I have no money and am putting everything on my credit card. 2) I am utterly annoyed with the incompetence of my fellow traveller, who quite frankly wouldn't be able to figure out which direction to take a bus on a one way street. 3) It means that I am delaying my sweet temp agency job for another week, and thus reiterating that 4) I have no money!!! I keep telling myself that this trip will be fun, that seeing the islands will be a new and unique experience, and that I might as well do this while I'm young because I'll never get the chance again, yada yada yada. But so far, planning this trip, though not my idea, has ended up being left up to me to plan. I researched the hostel (only 2 folks, on the whole island, and an hour apart from each other), researched the bus time table (one bus every 2 hours going from tip to tip), and figured out how we would be able to get our butts from the hostel to Iona and back without being stranded on the bloody little island, population 700 (ferry leaves at 1500, after that, find a warm sheep to cuddle up with). Meanwhile, all my companion has done is look to see what castles exist on the islands (not noticing that 80% of them can only be accessed with a car), whine to me that I'm making her walk 3 miles in order to see two castles in one day ('why can't we take a taxi?'), and go on and on about the new boots she just bought specifically for this trip (her Calvin Kline and Jessica Simpson boots would 'so' not work).

All this trip planning naturally had to go hand in hand with a major allergic reaction I had with a newly purchased makeup, which left my face swollen with a thick cover of small, itchy little bumps that haven't quite all gone away, leaving me perpetually feeling like Quasimodo. Great. So stressed about being poor, stressed about going on this trip with L.A. Barbie, stressed about my deformed face, and stressed about how poor the combination of everything is making me.

I am so going to need a vacation after all of this.