There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

They say that when it rains, it pours. It certainly seems as though that is the case just now.

You see, a week ago, I got a phone call from ASA asking me to fill in for a week holiday cover for another temp back at the NHS. They wanted me back because I was familiar with the duties. So back I went, desperate for anything that paid. And I KICKED ASS! The Endoscopy secretary at the Royal totally loved me and I saved a lot of ass. I tracked down ALL of the notes, referrals, and did all the mailing in only 4 short days. And not only helped her get caught up on over 2 weeks worth of backlogged pathology reports, but also set her a week ahead for patient procedure organisation.

So she said she would drop some hints that she would like me back since they are way super backlogged at the Booking Office. Awesome. Not a job, but a potential job.

Then while I was at work the other day, I get a phone call from a recruitment agency called Elizabeth Hunt. They want me. Want me want me. Unfort, they wanted me for a job that started today, aka my last day of NHS work, but they still were desperate for me to come in, fill out the paper work, and have a chat. The lady there said that she would phone back the place they had orignially wanted me to work for and see if they wanted me. And that no matter, they were definately going to get me working and fast. So that was VERY encouraging.

Oh yeah- I also had a job interview on Monday for a part time position at the NLS. This I unfortunately failed- I kept waiting for the oppertunity to gush about why I love the NLS, how I've had previous experience in libraries, that I have had rare book handling training, and that oh yeah- my dissertation was on 18th century cookery books. I TOTALLY fit in working for the National Library of Scotland. Unfortunately, I guess I should have mentioned that in the beginning when they asked me why I wanted to work for the NLS. Whoops. Epic fail.

THEN, yesterday I arrive home and check my e-mail to find that the good people at the International Language School, the ones I interviewed with for a position over the summer but didn't get, have some more open positions. They wanted to know if I was still interested and if they could put my CV forward.

So I got from NOTHING for 3 months to suddenly a flux of employment. Awesome. Here's hoping that things ACTUALLY pan out and I get hired. Because lord knows, I need to buy MORE YARN.

After weeks of applying for jobs, I finally landed an interview. FINALLY. Because so far, these temp agencies are epically failing. I even signed up to another one yesterday and nothing.

So yes, my first interview in weeks, and lo and behold, I am also the first candidate scheduled. Excellent. I've read over the job details, I know I could do this with my hands tied behind my back, and I'm feeling really good about it. I even woke up this morning excited, danced around the flat to Britney Spears, and totally pumped myself up with the 'Yes, you will totally GET THIS JOB' spirit.

The bus, even though it came 6 minutes late, dropped me off exactly in front of the building's doors and I found the room with no problem. I was even 10 minutes early.

After reading the brochure on what the school was all about, I was led into the interview room and asked questions by two of the ladies in charge. So far so good. Then, when it came time for the second woman to grill me, the fire alarm goes off.

'Don't worry, it's just a drill'
'No, the drills are on Thrusday'
'Oh yeah....maybe I should go see what that is'
The one lady gets up to check while I just sit there with a dumb smile on my face.
'Yeah, it's not a drill. We have to evacuate'

So halfway through with my interview, the building is evacuated and the firemen are called to make sure that we won't die. Turns out the cleaner was hoovering up some dust left by the builders. Some how the dust got blown up into the fire alarm, and apparently dust and smoke are identically because the alarm went off. Or so went the rumour around the students.

Anyway, we went back to the interview and fingers crossed, they want to hire me. However, they still have 2 more days of interviews. BUT, I am hoping that my attitude of 'I already HAVE this job, so stop wasting your time and tell me where to sign' will transmogrify into reality.

I applied for two positions at the school but only received the information for one of the positions. So I thought they had just thought me a better candidate for the academic assistant position. Turns out they just forgot to send me in information on the other position, so the lady just said to send her an e-mail after looking the information over to see which one I preferred. I WANT to see this as a sign that they totally have already hired me in their head for something and just want to know which one to give me.

Of course, I always tend to leave interviews feeling like I aced them. Obviously that hasn't turned out to be true because all of my jobs have been through temp agencies, where the employer is just suck with you no matter how crappy or amazing you are at your job.

Oh- I did get a look at some of the competition. While we were waiting outside for the fire trucks to arrive, I saw this woman who didn't look like a student standing around. But then, on the other hand, she did have black tights with a MASSIVE run down the front from knee to ankle and was wearing a short frilly little skirt with flowers on it. Kinda like the one I have from H&M that I only wear on a drunken night out. Then I saw here again in the waiting room...yep, candidate numero duo. She had a total smokers grovelly voice too. Shady 2, unprofessional looking smoker, 0.

Yesterday I went to register with my SECOND temp agency. Because I figure, you might as well sew your seed in as many places as possible.

The good news is that it turns out I didn't really lie on my CV. On my CV, I stretched the truth to say I was 'Extremely proficient in MS Office' and 'Can type over 50 words/min'. Honestly, I had no idea if this was true when I wrote my CV up. All I remember is that in High school computer class, I got a B+ because I had 'shifty eyes' (thank you Mr. Asshole. Shifty eyes is NOT a reason to give someone a B. I think you were just being RACIST!) and that I used Word a lot to write papers.

Turns out that I can in fact type 53 words a minute with 98% accuracy (holla!) and scored above average on Microsoft Word. Giggidy.

The bad news is that the temp agency said they were swamped and that it might be a while before they could find placement for me. But I figured as much in this economy.

Which is why, in true Shady style, I stole all the pens. What, they were really nice pens! Good weight, smooth writing..just begging to be put in my purse. I also might have grabbed all the candies in the interview rooms. Yes rooms, I was placed in one to fill out paperwork, and another one to have a 'chat' about what kind of jobs i was looking for. Both held little dishes with candy in them. Well, not any more. Now I have a pocket full of pens and candy.

Totally owned you, temp agency and your lack of jobs!