There Ain't No Devil, It's Just God When He's Drunk

Okay, it getting bad now. As if caving in to the evils of High School Musical wasn't bad enough. I have now taken on the ultimate in homemaking- knitting.

Now, back when I was 6, I prided myself on my champion finger knitting skills- to make one long ass knitted chain that could only function as maybe an escape rope for a 60 lbs Rapunzel. But that was as far as I went with yarn.

But ever since my obsession with Alpaca (and I just found a new favourite- GUANACO!!!) knitwear, I've been on a mission to acquire as much as possible...except that I am dirt dirty poor. So what better way to save money and keep myself occupied while waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to call and offer me employment? The answer seemed obvious. Plus, I have always been insanely jealous of everyone who is talented enough to whip out these amazing knitted creations of mittens, hats, and jumpers.

So I popped around to the nearest awesome store (our local one is called Ali's Cave- it has EVERYTHING you need, from light shades, to thread, to birthday cards, to fireworks, to dish soap, to makeup, to party favours...EVERYTHING!) to see what they had in the knitting department. They had your wide variety of cheap yarns and needles, and not knowing what I was doing, I bought the cheapest of both. Then back home to let the interweb show me the way to knitting heaven!

I found a LOT of how-to sites, many of which included loads of videos, which were a great help. My problem was I went and got the cheap yarn- the kind that is really thin and separates into 3 strings really easily, so that I kept splitting the thread while stitching. I spent ALL NIGHT trying to just get past 3 rows without a mistake. I was failing!

But something strange was also happening- my WHOLE arms, especially around my armpits were SUPER sore. WTF? I mean, my fingers and hands are sore, but that's expeceted since I am using my fingers in ways I've never used them before (insert perverted snigger here). But my armpits? Okay...

Today I was determined to get some bigger needles. I went to two different shop, but this being Scotland, they were closed on Sunday. So I went all the way here to get my goods and almost fainted. I needed larger needles, so I was resolute to get them, but they were £6.10!!!! AND, were MADE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA...and not only are they expensive knitting needles from NorCal, their phone number is a 707 area code...THAT'S MY OLD AREA CODE!!!! I came all the blinking way to Scotland to end up buying knitting needles that are made back at home.

Screw you universe.

BUT, the sliver lining in all of this is that the knitting shop also sold...BABY ALPACA YARN!!!! So now I feel obligated to get this knitting thing going...I need me my alpaca!!! So I caved in and bought some yarn (which was cheaper than the needles....bloody wooden imported NorCal needles), so even if I fail at the knitting, I can just wrap the yarn around myself.

I know that I'm jobless, dirt poor, and trying my best to avoid all things consumerist, but every now and then, I get a notion in my head and obsess over it for days...weeks...even months.

Now, I really don't want to think of myself as another damn American consumer, and I've tried so so much to really think about how much I need things before buying them...but sometimes, I get obsessive. My obsession at the moment: Knitwear. Specifically alpaca knitwear. Weird, I know.

When I was up in John o Groats, they had that amazing knit wear shop, and I was in love with the idea that for once, I would be able to find a quality jumper, not cheaply made in a factory with poor quality wool, and since it was hand made, it would be unique, special, and hopefully last me until I was old and crippled, and I could look back and say 'oh, this sweater has done me good.' And then the chick was on holiday and that plan was foiled.

But somehow, I got to thinking about my hobby/passion- South American Archaeology. I had a fabulous professor who taught Pre-Incan archaeology and you can't learn about Peru without learning about llamas, alpacas, and vicunas. So some wires crossed in my head and suddenly I was searching the webernet for alpaca knitwear.

I found some great sites that bought handmade alpaca knitwear directly from Peruvian farmers and artisans, giving them a significant amount of the proceeds in the process. Yay! And alpaca wool is supposed to be softer and warmer than cashmere.

So first I bought some gloves. They were $8, handmade, and were those 'glitten' things that are fingerless gloves with a flap to transform them into mittens. And hot damn do I love them.

Now that the weather is getting colder there is a part of me that wants more. Envious, want want want. It's a horrible feeling- but if I can't get a sweater knitted by a little old tea drinking lady up in the highlands, then by golly, I am gonna get something from Peru/Bolivia.....when I get a job.

Damn you alpaca clothing!!! I know, kinda hippy-ish, but jesus is it soft! And warm! And...helps little old South American grannies who are sitting by their fires at night knitting away! Oh well...

One day, alpaca, you will be MINE! Muh ha ha ha ha....